When You Have a Hunch It's Gonna be Good, You're Probably Right

"To love another person is to see the face of God." - Victor Hugo.

"Listening to and following an instinct that things are right is just as powerful as paying attention to a feeling that something is wrong. For instance, you might have the sense after just one date that you will be spending the rest of your life with a certain guy. If that's what your intuition is telling you, it may be true! Women often tell me they realized when they first met their husbands that this was the man they would marry. It happens all the time. If you're going to trust your intuition to tell you when something's wrong, it's also fair to trust it when it's telling you that something is very right.

My sister-in-law knew the minute she met her husband that she was going to marry him. My agent had a strong hunch when he first met his wife that he would marry her. So don't be surprised if you find yourself "knowing" something you can't possibly know - like who you'll be growing old with."

An excerpt from "The Surrendered Single" by Laura Doyle.

Kakak says:

I knew the minute I met my husband that I was going to marry him. We've been happily married for 16 years and been together since 4th january, 1989. Even when I look at other men, I still see my husband's face. What powerful spell he has on me.....or is it just a case of soul mates? What do you think about that hunch you have about that someone? You may be right.

Life is a Roller Coaster Ride.

The last few weeks had rendered me wordless. An experience beyond description.....until now. Somehow, I managed to compose an entry to encompass all that is unspoken.

It started with a fantastic high when I received an offer letter from a local university to do my masters program in psychology. Shortly after that, our pet par-sian cat, Salty, succumbed to chronic pneumonia and liver failure. It was heart wrenching to see him not eat for a week. But, on the eve of his return to his Creator, I went in to whisper a final goodbye to faithful Salty. I assured him that although he was much loved by us, it was alright for him to leave us, if he has to. He died peacefully under the bed in our guest room the next morning. Exactly a week today. I cried hard when I got the news. A multitude of emotions ran amok in my heart; I was sad that he was gone but at the same time relieved that he is no longer suffering. It was a good 5 years with him. He'll never be forgotten by those who loved him.

However, God entertained me with a great comedy skit on the very next day. I was at a seminar with a speaker that blatanly spoke english with broken grammar. I couldn't stop laughing out loud! I tried my very best to stifle my hilarity and save it for the next joke that speaker was gonna crack, but I just couldn't help bursting out laughing. I had such a good laugh that I believe if laughter is indeed the best medicine, I may have cured all my ailments, if any, My best friend tried to convince me to add that speaker's bad grammar to this entry but I fear that it may be contagious! So, I've quarantined his work and hope nobody catches that debilitating hang up.

I likened my past week's esperiences as a roller coaster ride....an emotional one. One moment, I felt devastated that a loved one died and the next moment, I was laughing my heart out. Life is indeed a box of chocolates. You'll never know what you're gonna get.

And as for dessert, it was a lovely chocolate parfait with a cherry on the top! My best friend is on her way to experiencing a miracle happen to her. I pray for her always that she will find her soul mate, as I had found mine in my husband 17 years ago. Its finally happening to her. I couldn't be happier for her. She's my soul sister and now she may have found her soul mate too!

Many don't believe in the concept of soulmates. This is because they have not yet met their's. It's ok. Salty's ok now, i'm ok now. We're all ok now. And when the mundane life kicks us in our guts again, we'll jump in headfirst to change things for the better and dare to dream more. That is not a sign on ingratitude. It just simply means that we are optimistic. We'll do it again and again and again....because love is all we need.

Resilience of the Ice Age Squirrel

Recently, I decided to add Wednesdays as one of my do-not-get-out-of-bed days. Simply because I received bad news even before I could get out of bed and start my day. That day was doomed for gloom for me.

All my life, I've had many challenges and tribulations that may render many maimed for life.That one piece of paper sentenced me to a bleak future.

I don't consider myself a coward who recoils from any form of challenges and obstacles. When significant people tell me to jump, I would never hesitate to ask "How high?". But would you feel when you are asked to jump a certain height and as you're jumping to make the mark, they decided to raise the bar to the point you can't reach it? When such occurrences happen over and over again, during your life span, it is difficult to not feel like giving up.

As I was feeling low and vulnerable, the feeling of imcompetence and inferiority started seeping in through my pores. I resolved to feel redha for whatever He has designed and planned for me. I can do that. But, I also needed to be told what to do next.

Then came the revelation, imbedded in a simple cartoon flick meant for kids. I was given a glance of the Ice Age 2 trailer promo and zoomed my eyes to the tenacious little squirrel and his acorn. I saw how he never gave up getting his hands on that acorn and kept on at it. Suddenly my next move was clear as crystal to me. NEVER GIVE UP ON A GOOD THING!!

Looks like those people who have no faith in me would have to do better than a piece of paper to stop me from my passion! They can either embrace me into their circle and have me as one of the best contributors in the field or they can continue to try to be an obstacle in my path and I will forever be a thorn in their side and the loudest critic to their unproductive and most often self-contradicting ways. Cakap tak serupa bikin!

As far as Allah and my conscience is concerned, I am not committing a sin. I am helping many souls in need of guidance and wisdom and He has given me abundance of those. It would be a sin if I don't help those people when I am capable and willing to do so. How am I suppose to answer when Allah asks me "Why didn't you help them?" I do it in the name of Allah the Most Merciful and Loving and He pays me very well....

So, from today onwards, this little squirrel has become my biggest IDOL! And it will stay that way until I don't need him anymore. Thank you Allah for this wonderous clue. I understand now. Alhamdulillah...

Dial M for Marriage

Whaddaya know.... Come this October, my husband and I will be celebrating our 16th year wedding anniversary. Most will consider us lucky to have lasted this long. But to those who know us better, they will sigh a big relief and mutter "Alhamdulillah...". However, my husband and I will still be holding our breaths, palms up in prayers and grounding our feet down to prepare ourselves for many more years of hard work, heavy loving, hundreds of forgiving and wheel barrows of earthly understanding of one another.

My husband and I (henceforth termed as "we") don't believe in luck. But we are staunch believers in The Divine Contract and the concept of soul mates. We believe we are soul mates. We believe that those who don't believe in soul mates haven't met their's yet. When they do, they will.

We believe that hard work means the dance of deflection we tango every now and then, especially when one of us is testing the other's patience, leaving the other feeling like a potential homicidal maniac. We believe in faking forgiveness until it becomes sincere. We believe in transparency in communication but not transparency in items of clothings (except in the privacy of our bedroom, of course!).

Although we can't say that we have the secret of eternal marital bliss, we do try to keep to the basic tips on how to make a relationship work. Here are a few rules for a Happy Relationship. This excerpt was taken from a fantastic book titled The Muslim Marriage Guide by Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood:

1. Tell each other you love each other.
2. Never both be angry at the same time.
3. If you have to criticise, do it lovingly.
4. Never bring up old mistakes.
5. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
6. Neglect the whole Dunia rather than each other.
7. Pray together at least once a day.
9. Remember it takes two to quarrel.
10. When you have done something wrong, admit it.
11. At least once a day, say something kind or complimentary to your partner.
12. Do not go to bed more than 10 minutes after your partner.
13. Listen when your partner is speaking.
14. Remember that your spouse is more important than the tv/match/video etc.
15. Notice when your partner is wearing something new, or has a new hairdo.
16. Remember anniversaries.
17. Thank your partner for their gift or effort on your behalf.
18. Last one up, make the bed.
19. Notice when your spouse looks tired, and do something about it.
20. Never run your partner down, or criticise them in public.

And finally:

Good humour sometimes wins battles that force and reason lose.

Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off.

'My wife has a terrible memory; she remembers everything.'

'Spouses have a keen sense of humour; the more you humour them, the better they like it.'

We have to learn to be our best friends, for we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies.

Matrimonial indigestion is something we marry that doesn't agree with us.

Love at first sight is about as reliable as a doctor's diagnosis at first handshake.

When a wife is not talking to her husband, she is trying to tell him something.

Discussion is an exchange of intelligence. Argument is an exchange of ignorance.

A good mother is not a person to lean on, but one who makes leaning unnecessary.

The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing again, never lived with an untidy spouse or children.

Happiness is getting the tissue out of the box before you sneeze.

and last but not least:

It is impossible to sneeze and keep both your eyes open at the same time. Don't believe me? Look forward to the next sneeze and see if you can keep your eyes open!

The point is, my fellow humans, although some of us have mastered the skill of multi tasking, to get anything done well, we need to focus. What you choose to focus on will determine the success or failure of your relationship.

A Measure of Faith

Recently, I had the pleasure of watching a rerun of Simon Birch. For anyone who hasn't seen this movie, I truly recommend this flick. It's about a little boy who was born so small that all his mother had to do to deliver him during labour was to sneeze! Although this movie was not based on a true story, I was inspired and moved all the same.

This story magnified the sins of a society that judged a book by it's cover. Simon was sadly misjudged and unappreciated by his community and those who were suppose to be significant to him - his parents. They didn't care for him because of his deformities. But God's love for him reached him anyway through his best friend Joe and Joe's mother. Wanna know why? Because the same society was also judging Joe and his mother. Joe was born out of wedlock and no one knew who his father was. Except for Joe's mother, of course, who took that knowledge to her grave. Simon helped Joe discover who Joe's father was, in the end.

But what was intriguing to me was the amount of faith Simon had in his Creator. He believed that his deformities were for a reason. He believed in the Divine Design. He believed that everything and everyone was created for a special reason. Simon blatantly pointed out, even to those who were not willing to listen to him, that God has nothing to do with bake sales or a priest sharing coffee and doughnuts with his parish. He also pointed out that faith is not about where you pray but it's about whether you believe that God is actually listening to you when you are praying. When he was told to go pray in a corner as a punishment for speaking out his mind, he said that faith had nothing to do with the floor plan! I laughed out loud at the courage of this little mite and quietly wished that I had half the guts he had to speak his mind.

It is easy for people to believe that someone has faith when they dress the part. But the devil can dress the part too! However, there is something that the devil had sworn he can't do, and that is to sway a heart that is filled with faith and sincerity. So, when you have faith and sincerity in your heart, half the battle against the devil is won. The other half, is left up to you. When you decide that you believe, then you will and you become a believer. Now, what you choose to do with that faith is the thing that determines how close or far you are from your true self and God.

Speaking of Integrity

"It's important that people know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for". These are words of Mary Waldrop and I agree with her.

A few weeks ago, I decided to open a profile on myspace.com to promote better behavioral health among youths and matured adults alike. The experience that was waiting for me didn't meet my expectations. I began to receive all kinds of emails and friends requests from a myriad of types of people. I have to admit that some of these personalities scared me stiff! I mean, some of them had some porn pictures attached to their profiles. Obviously they were swingers on the look out for a romp in the hay with someone who might be on the look out too! But the thing is, I AM NOT! I received one particular email from a young man who wanted to befriend me. I replied saying that I don't mind for as long as he doesn't mind being friends with a 41 yr old married women with two teenage daughters. His reply was, "Does'nt your husband mind?"

I went on to explain the reasons for me setting up a profile at that site and that my husband totally supports my career and my intention of promoting behavioral health. I also told him that if it wasn't enough for him to consider me like a kakak to him, then maybe he needs to look else where. I also chided him lightly that maybe next time he shoud read the profiles of all the people he wants to befriend and make sure that they are single and available before taking the next step. I don't know. Maybe there are many married people who are still on the look out for better mates, but I ain't one of 'em.

Most of my counseling clients are couples with marital problems. There was even one husband who came to me to ask for my approval to divorce his wife because he has another woman on the side. I told him that he was acting irresponsibly and that if he wants to pull the trigger to ruin his marriage, he wasn't gonna get my approval for it. He stopped coming for counseling because I was honest enough to point out his lack of responsibility and he wasn't ready to face the reality of himself. I have no regrets as to how I handled that particular client. His wife is doing very well without him. And that in itself is the best reward I got out of that experience.

Many are afraid to stand their ground and stick to their principles of right and wrong when the so called perpetrator is someone close to them. But this is how integrity is measured. Because, at the day of Judgement, we will not be asked what we have read, but what we have done. There is no right way to do something wrong. No matter how you think about it, you will agree, too.

Dreams Do Come True

Ever since I was 5 years old, I use to follow my dad to his rehearsals with the RTM Orchestra. I use to dream of one day having the opportunity to sing with an orchestra with my dad as the conductor. Seeing all the big stars singing beautifully accompanied by a big orchestra always made me green with envy.

People who say that dreams do come true are often called optimists. Pessimists are those who never saw their dream materialize. Some believe that luck plays a big role in making dreams come true. I use to be one of those people. However, my idol, Oprah Winfrey educated me otherwise. She says that Luck is when Opportunity meets Preparation. God just proved to me, recently, that Miss Winfrey was right.

At the end of my 40th year, after 35 years of waiting for the opportunity, my years of preparation proved worthwhile when I was asked by my dad to sing a few songs for his tribute concert at Istana Budaya last 17th and 18th December, 2005. I had a time of my life!

Many anticipated that I would be nervous and freaking out of my skin from the pressure of performing alongside my dad. But I wasn’t nervous. I was excited! This is a chance of a lifetime. A moment in time that I have been waiting for over 35 years! No way I was ever gonna let nervousness get in the way of my fully experiencing the golden moment!

I made sure that most of the significant people in my life was present for the concert because I needed them to assure me, after the concert was over, that it DID actually happen! Just in case I was just imagining or hallucinating the whole event! Ha ha haaa!

Anyway, what I know for sure now is, dreams do come true. Some people spend their entire lives chasing a dream that proved to be elusive. I didn’t chase it. I just prepared for it, just in case opportunity ever showed it’s face, I was determined to be ready for it. So people, believe me when I tell you this. Dreams do come true. And when it does, you will realize that you can do anything your free will desires. Once upon a time, people say that man can’t fly. But now we have man walking on the moon, right? Dream it. Do it! Love it. Live it! Go to your destiny, baby!