This Too Shall Pass

Most often, we hear this phrase being said to us whenever we are facing something that is extremely challenging. It’s purpose, presumably, is to bring some form of comfort and hope. A form of anticipation that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I cannot speak for everyone but I, for one, couldn’t really grasp the hope that’s imbedded in that phrase. Somehow, to me, it sounded more like something you might say when you don’t know what else to say. Very rarely would this phrase comfort me in any shape or form.

 

Things have been rough for me emotionally and psychologically for the past two years, especially. And Allah knows how traumatised I have been through childhood traumas and such. He allowed these things to happen to me. I take comfort in understanding that THAT meant I am deemed strong enough by Him to survive through the challenges He had designed for me. 

 

In therapy, a counselor is to assist client to gain some form of insight; an inner understanding or introspection on why they are where they are in their lives with all given circumstances and variables. After that, the counselor walks with the client as they process through their inner conflicts, frustrations and disappointments. 

 

This morning, Allah bestowed upon me an inner wisdom. Here it is.

 

In order for the phrase “This too shall pass” to have any value as a psychological resource, one must understand that a bad experience is not tangible. An experience is a memory of what happened. 10 different individuals with the same experience will have 10 different memory of it. So, who is right? Whose experience is more valid than the other? None. All have the same value of fragments of memory.

 

Yes. An experience is intangible. Unless you choose to write it down into a descriptive narrative. I can totally understand why anyone would want to do that. But why would anyone want to make tangible a bad experience? 

 

“This too shall pass” means you need to allow the experience to pass through you without leaving any residue or sediment within you. That would mean you need to allow it to pass through you several times until it changes from being a bad experience to a life lesson. Bad experience did not happen to you. Bad experience just happens. There’s no need to make it about you. 

 

So, do write down happy experiences, thoughts and moments. Write down everything you want to be reminded of. Design your memories.

"I Want To Go Home To My Father."

Today was very challenging to Mom. She was restless and anxious. She kept saying "I need to go home soon." as she caressed the side of my face with tears in her eyes. Regardless of how many times I explained to her that she is home, that she's living in her own house, she insisted that she needs to go home. "I am old now", she said, as she wiped the tears off her eyes.

Ater a few minutes of me in the bathroom, I came out to find that she had changed her clothes from the home-wear kaftan I had put on her after morning shower into a pair of baju kurung; as though she was ready to go out. She was pacing the compound of our home restlessly. This spurred me to do a little research by googling "what to do when alzheimer's patient looks for deceased parent"

I came across an article titled "3 Tips When Someone With Dementia Wants Her Mom or Dad." It went on to explain the following:
"Think of the young child who wanders off in the store. All of the sudden, she looks around and begins to cry because she's lost and doesn't know where her mom is. While we don't want to treat a respected older adult like a child, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that this lost feeling is similar to what they're experiencing."

I met her at the main door and persuaded her to come in. She said, "I want to go home to my father's house." My heart broke into a million pieces. I coaxed her into sitting on the sofa with me. As I held her hands in mine, I looked deeply into her eyes and said," Mom, grandpa passed away 8 years ago." Her eyes reflected the abyss of unspeakable loss.

Ever since mom lived with us, I have been applying all the knowledge I have in psychology and putting into practice the caregiving skills I had acquired over the years. I have seen how Behavioural Therapy such as classic conditioning and positive reinforcements have shown a reasonable amount of improvement in mom's behaviour. Currently, I am also using Reality Orientation in Alzheimer's and Dementia. It's an approach where the environment, including dates, locations, and current surroundings, is frequently pointed out and woven into the conversations with the person. Reality orientation, when used appropriately and with compassion, can also benefit those living with Alzheimer's or Dementia.

The tools for reality orientation aim to reinforce the naming of objects and people as well as a timeline of events, past or present. This typically involves:

• Talking about orientation, including the day, time of day, date, and season
• Using people's name frequently
• Discussing current events
• Referring to clocks and calendars
• Placing signs and labels on doors, cupboards, and other objects
• Asking questions about photos or other memorabilia

I am pragmatic enough not to have much expectations regarding the impact of the above on my mom considering that she is already at a late stage of Alzheimer's. Yet, I refuse to simply just give up on her as how she never gave up on me when she was teaching me the basic skills in life.

I made a few phone calls to mom's cousins and got them to speak to her on the phone. Perhaps she is looking for familiar faces. Perhaps she is looking for past connections. After all, I truly believe that connections are like bread crumbs that leads us back home when we are lost.

It's okay, mom. No matter how lost you may be feeling right now, I got you. And I will always be your one and only daughter. May Allah bless mom with syifa, always. 

The Beauty in Being Broken

This quote explains why I have been in a creative rut lately. I guess my medication for depression and anxiety are very effective. Even my designs in Design Home game is suffering! This should be good news, right? Yes..... Then, why am I writing an entry today?

I glance out my office window that overlooks a scenic view Damansara Heights. A field of roofs glistening under the scorching hot sun. I draw a deep breath and think of my need to say something today. I know what it is about. I just need to compose it as eloquently as possible. You see, its not just important that people understand what I am trying to say. What's most important is that everyone understands me exactly as how I want them to understand. Therefore, the burden of explanation weighs heavily on my shoulders.

I stand up and walk out my office room. I need to think. I need something to do while I think. I head straight for a money plant that is swimming in a clear glass vase filled with mossy green water. I pick it up and head for the Ladies. My head entertaining words and phrases. Yes. I see words in my head but visuals in my eyes. That does not need to make sense to anyone else.

I am back at my desk and well aware that depression has been following me for quite a while now. I have successfully ignored it until last night. But today, it follows me to work. Logic tells me I cannot afford to have a depressive crash right now. I have too much work to get done. I have two subjects to teach this semester. I cannot afford to have depression right now. Somehow, it always comes at an ill opportune time. Which beckons the question, "Is there ever a good time for depression?"

Last night I watched Split 2016. James McAvoy was superb in his portrayal of Kevin and his 23 other personalities. I was intrigued by Dr. Fletcher and how she handled a client with DID. Marvelous! I learned while watching that movie. Something stayed with me. This:

"The broken are the more evolved. Rejoice!" Wow! I have never seen being broken as a reason for rejoicing before. And then I searched for other quotes about being broken. Here are some that illustrate what I am trying to articulate.

Yeah. What they said. That's what I want to write. But it has already been written by so many others. Others who got broken way before me. Others who shine and twinkle like stars in the dead darkness of night. The moon may have its beauty; but its the stars that twinkle and make minds wonder.

I am still unable to string my own words for this entry. I lean on words of others who have suffered long before I did, for much longer than I have. I salute their resolution. May theirs be mine soon.