Monday, July 14, 2008

Intellectual Idiots.

Its been a while since my last blog. My silence has been caused by a very hectic work schedule. Among all the activities that I had to be involved in, the one that lingers on my mind is the Asian Psychological Association's 2nd convention held in Malaya University at the end of June.

I had the pleasure of learning a lot from the many research findings presented by established peers in the psychological field. I even had the pleasure of catching up with some old colleagues and meeting with fellow psychologists from Canada, America and Australia. However, a few papers that were presented during the two day event made me fume with rage.

Consider this: One so called Ph.D holder in Psychology from a local university actually concluded that if muslim mothers were to educate their daughters to the muslim way of life, discipline them to never miss their daily prayers and cover themselves modestly, the daughters will never fall victim of rape!! How absurd is that?!!

I'm not going to go into detail as to the other ridiculous conclusions this so called expert has arrived at. Its just garbage disguised as intellectual findings. I suspect this researcher has lots of issues of her own that she's projecting into her research projects.

Dr. William Glasser, the founder of Reality Therapy and Choice Theory had said that for as long as the parents are in the Quality World of the children, these youths will make the right choices in their lives and will not engage in any activities that may jeopardize what they hold as valuable and important to them.

My elder daughter, Jazelia, made her own decision to wear the hijab at the tender age of 12 because she felt shy whenever boys looked her way. However, as she matured and began to gain self-confidence and a sense of identity, she no longer felt sincere to continue donning the hijab. Her decision to do away with her hijab was more than acceptable to me because I have always emphasized the importance of sincerity in everything that is done in the name of Allah. I am confident that she behaves better than most other teenage girls her age who do wear the hijab out of conformity and societal expectations.

I regret to say that my naked eyes have bared witness to many teenage girls who wear the hijab necking away in the dark corners of shopping malls and public parks with their male friends. Its sad to see how many parents fail to instill integrity and authentic sense of self respect. They can't tell the difference between what is sinful and what is harmful for their well-being. In behaving in such manner, they tarnish the reputation of muslim girls as a whole.

I do realize that since Jazelia is just 16 and it may be premature of me to presume that she'll continue to be fine and turn out to be the respectful and respectable woman I hope she will become. For as long as my opinions and advice are of great importance and value to her, I am quite sure her conscience will continue to be her best ally in protecting her from the real dangers lurking in every corner of the future.

My unsolicited advice to that expert are as follows: If you are feeling guilty for not having enough authentic quality time with your family, do something about it. Put your children and family on top of your priority list. Don't lecture people to do something you are suffering guilt from. And please stay away from ever counseling anyone because you are judgmental, a social bigot and conservative in your way of thinking. I am sure you possess none of the qualities that make up an effective counselor. As Carl Rogers said: Counseling is not an act of doing. It is an art of being.

Now, judge this:


Anonymous said...

kak joe,

is this you in the pic? if yes, we should meet for coffee soonest! as a link to mycoinfidential.blogspot perhaps?


Johana Dato' Johari said...

Hi anonymous,

yes. that's me in the pic. would love to meet for coffee.

Anonymous said...


I believe you are right about being a victim of rape. It has got nothing to do with parent's upbringing,etc. It is more about being caught at the wrong place at the wrong time even though one is 99% cautious all the time, and most likely to happen when it involves with someone you trust.

RAPE or sexual assault still happens to anyone, young or old, beautiful or ugly, dress sexily, modestly dressed or all covered with hijab. Am pretty disheartened that people especially women still have misconception about rape or sexual assault. The rapist, the person who does it to women, children or even men, has planned his sins and wrong doings all along.

No one exactly knows what is like to be a victim (except for the victims themselves), the trauma that shook one's life and what are the stigma of others who know when someone was being raped. Yes, I agree that whoever commits the crime should be condemned and damned from the planet of the earth and hereafter.

And this goes out to the masses out there, women or men alike: Support the victims if you must and empathy if you will. It would be a better place on earth for the victims to feel that someone actually (sincerely!) care for them. Nobody wants or asks to be raped or assaulted, sexually! Well, do you?