Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wow!! Happy 45th birthday, Johana!! Yup. Those are the words I am forcing my brain to repeat ad nauseam. If I sound a tad ungrateful, let me explain why. These are not excuses. These are solid reasons.
Short of 25 days from my 43rd birthday, my soul brother, my beloved Mad, passed away suddenly to a heart attack. I grieved for more than a year. Yes. I loved him very much. Still do. Always will. He's still someone I trust. And recently, short of 5 days from my 45th birthday, my much loved cousin, Aizati Aishah Aziz passed away suddenly from an auto mishap. She was nothing less than an angel in our lives.... well, at least in mine. Although we didn't meet as often as we would've liked to, whenever we did, its like we were never apart. You know what I mean, right...? I haven't enough words to describe these two angels. Mad and Yat. My two angels. They were both Gemini. They were both taken too soon. They both were the kindest and gentlest souls I've ever had the honor of knowing. They both touched my life in such indescribable ways.
Today, as I greet my 45th year on earth, I can't help missing them both. I wish they were still around to keep my life rich and happy. But this life isn't just about me. Its about living. Its about loving. Its about giving. And I had these two angels to teach me how to do it right. Mad's death taught me how to live well and good. Yat's death taught me how to do it with gentle kindness and love.
I am lucky and blessed because I got to see 45. Truly, it is a privilege.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
As We Look Back
As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering .....
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us .....
To celebrate our successes
To understand our problems
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgement,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made.
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We're thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.
I love you, Yati. See you soon.
Aizati Aishah Aziz Bt Abdul Ghani (1.6.1975 - 24.1.2010)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Action Speaks Louder Than Words. Lord knows how many times this phrase has been used, misused and abused. And, truly, no one is to be blamed for this. Not everyone expresses their emotions through spoken words. Some do better by acts of love.
Many expect their beloved to say "I love you" frequently. However, if you're a bottomless pit, no amount of romantic words will ever fill you up! There are also those who have specific currencies for love, or at least the value of love. Roses, chocolates, jewelry, romantic dinner dates, expensive trips. Like as if the value of love is attached to the price tags of these so called token of love. Cheh!
Now, I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say I was never like these shallow people when I was much younger. Heck, when my husband forgot to buy me a Valentine card many years ago, I was so upset beyond apologies until he was forced to call my mom to help me calm down! See!? That's how foolishly shallow I was. Although my logic then was to amass these 'tokens of love' for me to pass down to my children and theirs. Shallow sentimentalist that I was.
However, after being in an authentically happy relationship for more than 20 years, I have grown up to learn that a dipper filled with water by my husband is as wonderful as "I love you" because of the thoughtfulness behind it. Acts of affection took place of words of love.
Can you love someone so much to the point of becoming arrogant enough to think that you know what's best for them? Do you love someone for yourself or for who they truly are? Selfish love versus selfless love.
Over the past few years, I have had the blessings of God to learn about unconditional love. It means to love someone for who they are and not for who you wanna change them to be. We all want unconditional love and acceptance. And yet we attach conditions and terms as to how we are to be loved and shown affection to? Ridiculous, isn't it?
I have learned to love so much to the point of letting them be who they are. Respect the difference and accept their truth. I have learned that love is not enough to bring about happiness. Everyone has the need to be free to be who they really are. Everyone has the right to be loved as who they truly are. Trying to change the other person without changing ourselves is utter egotism. That is not love.
I have also learned to love myself through acceptance and understanding from the significant others in my life They accept me as who and what I am without question. Curiosity yields understanding. Understanding produces acceptance without having the urge to change anything.
When someone does something for you that they've never done before for anyone else, that's love. Even when fatigue overcomes, they don't sigh. They keep smiling and still do it. Anything for love. That is indeed priceless. The recipient of such acts will be made to feel precious!
Proof of love can't be seen with the naked eye. It can only be felt by a sensible heart.
“It is easy to lay claim to love, But the proof of it remains otherwise." - Rumi