Monday, July 20, 2009

Pausing for Benjamin Button.

I know... I know... I'm a little behind in my movie watching schedule. I've been so busy with work. Giving counseling services, doing talks for government bodies, and singing for my joyous supper. Only yesterday was I given a golden opportunity to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, courtesy of A.B.A.H.

Several quotable quotes from the film stuck in my mind and has been prodding my thoughts and emotions. Such as:

"Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance."

"Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss."

"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you."

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

"Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?"

"You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

"You never know what's coming for you."

"Everyone feels different about themselves one way or another, but we all goin' the same way."

After the movie ended, these quotes played themselves over and over again in my head. But while I was watching it, several things came to mind. Mad, my late soul brother. My life: how I've lived it so far and how I will be like at the end of it. My own mortality. The significant people in my life.

I understand that there are things in my life that had happened for reasons beyond my logical comprehension. I also realize that no matter how long I wish I can live, I wouldn't want to be a burden onto anyone due to the inevitable failings of an aging body. I wondered if I am capable of letting go. I also wonder what are the things that I will have difficulty letting go.

Bottom line is that I now appreciate life in all its splendor and shortcomings. My consciousness is now drawn to thinking about how my ending is to be. How I want it all to end. Will I leave this life screaming and kicking, resisting death right up till the end? Or will I simply surrender and go peacefully? I don't have the answer to that question yet. However, I do wish for the latter. I want to be able to live my life to the fullest, with the least amount of room for regret and guilt. I want to be looking forward to a better place than where I am now.

Recently, the world had mourned the death of the King of Pop. I've also lost a few friends in the past few months. I wondered if they were ready for it. I wonder if anyone has enough courage to be ready for it. I remember the first time I experienced the term "Peace of Mind" while performing my umrah in Mekkah.

I want to be able to achieve that mental state of mind again. Peace of Mind. I hope by having that, I will be able to let go... more easily, insya Allah. And since right now I am so far away from that, I need to bring all my focus and attention on regaining that state of mind as soon as possible. I'm running out of time. Pretty soon, it will be time for me to let go. Maybe I should practice letting go of things from now on.