Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
I was blitzing away on Facebook while listening to the TV. A rerun of Sex And The City was on. I couldn't help giggling at some of the things that were said by Carrie Bradshaw character. Once in a while, some pearls of wisdom plops out of her mouth and I find myself thinking about it from my perspective, considering my current circumstances. Which led me to this thought:
"When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them!"
The painful lesson I had to learn at a ripe old age of 45 is very hard to swallow. I see myself as a person who prefers to see the good in people rather than have a negative pre-conceived idea of who they are. Even when they have failed or disappointed me countless times, I still find myself being hopeful that one day they will change for the better on their own. Because Oprah said, "When you know better, you will do better." But then again, Dr. Phil said, "We teach people how to treat us. They will keep on doing something for as long as it works. When it doesn't work anymore, then only they will adapt to find another way to get things to go the way they want it to." This means, truly, that people don't really change. The core of who they are never changes. The changes you see is merely their attempts at adapting to new stimuli and circumstances.
It saddens me to be proven wrong in my unconditional positive regard when it comes to people who matter in my life. I mean, how many times do I have to communicate to them my emotional boundaries? How many times do I have to keep explaining myself why certain things are non-negotiable and no amount of quid pro quo will make me accept their misconduct or misbehavior?
Another famous saying is Action Speaks Louder Than Words. Ok. Fine. Then, show me your actions. Act accordingly. But in their absence, how am I to get any form of affirmations if not through words? And then, things just crescendo to the peak of where they just contradict themselves silly!
This leaves me feeling untrusting and bitter. And I hate this. Because I am not like this by nature. But maybe it is my fault after all. Because they DID show me their true selves but I stubbornly believed that they will progress and evolve into better beings.
Watching Sex And The City tonight made me realize that the reason why women understand themselves better is because we actively involve ourselves in discussions about us and everything pertaining to our gender: challenges, time management, job and role juggling, hormones, friendship, fashion, love and matters of the heart. Who benefits from shows like SATC? Men. They watch a few episodes of this series and its enough for them to understand the psyche of the female gender, as complex and complicated as we may seem. But what about them? How do we understand the mental works of the male gender? By observation? By trial and error? By sharing experiences with fellow girlfriends? By experimenting? By putting them to the test? Because at the end of the day, all women want from their men is reliability, stability and security, in all sense of the word. Or maybe women ought to list their needs in bullet point format. Even that won't guarantee they are able to put aside their macho egos and follow simple instructions... Go figure!
Anyway, just for fun (or lack of it), you may humor yourself by reading the below:
The Differences Between Men and Women by Thomas Bätzler.
Have a good laugh! Salute to the rest of our week. And may God save us all... Sigh...!