Two Weeks

Two weeks. Thats how long it has been since my last entry. Reading it made me smile as I reminisce the happy moments during my spiritual retreat. Rare moments when I was pain free, felt secure and calm. I'm also thinking of someone very close to my heart who is currently performing her Umrah and how I wish I could go along with her. To experience that peace of mind that can only be attained there in Mekkah. Sigh... I really miss Mekkah.

In my profession, I meet people from all walks of life who are undergoing some form of stress or other. They end up in my office because they can't cope anymore. Its not like they never tried to overcome their situation or take control of their stressful circumstances. Most often than not, it stems from an unhealthy body. A healthy mind is easier to attain when the body is healthy as well. We live among all sorts of stress causes. Some are external. These can be avoided and prevented. But the internal ones are almost impossible to run away from.

From my previous entries, its pretty evident that I have been experiencing some severe and chronic pains. And to top it all off, some mental anguish and anxieties as well. This is a typical example of how a body which is in pain causes the brains to go haywire and the nerves to go awry. My spiritual retreat to Penang was exactly what I needed to recover and recuperate. Alhamdulillah, that trip served its purpose.

Upon my return from Penang, I dove straight back to work. Clients in need of help were contacting me left, right and center. I am grateful to be useful and needed. However, my recovery was far from over. I still needed healing and cleansing.

Wounds incurred during my painful moments needed attention. I was lucky enough to have had some wonderfully skilled people help me with that. I am now, indeed, on my road to total recovery.

Some may view the way I cope with my situation as pathetic. How can I be so needy? It couldn't have been THAT bad...? Many were also curious as to what was the true source of my problems. Some not only showed their concern and prayed for my health and recovery, they even offered to help me heal! This is surely Allah's blessings upon me. Maybe He deems that I have gone through enough hardship for now and went on to send me one of His 'angels' to rescue me. Now, I am receiving help from everywhere. Ya Allah! Surely Your Love is so abundant that You literally showered me with Your Love through so many people in my life; some I have yet to meet in person! I am telling you, there are many 'angels' walking on the surface of this planet. We just need to open our hearts and receive.

To all my 'angels'... You know who you are... Thank you so much for being there for me when it matters. May Allah bless you with multiples of the kindness and empathy you have showed me throughout my hell on earth.

Where am I now? After all the terrible things I had to endure, I am still here. Standing tall. Each time I get beaten down, I will get up on my feet and move on. I refuse to play victim here. I am not the one with the survivor identity. I am a hero. I bleed daily for days and weeks on end. And yet, I am still alive! And if that doesn't qualify me to be termed as a hero, I don't know what would.

This is my life. This is my story. I am the main character in this scenario. I may not have had any control over how my life began but I sure as hell have control over how I'm gonna end up in this book. I am a hero. I don't care if no one else sees me as one. What matters is how I see myself. I am a hero because I'm still alive. I am a hero because I am.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway