Saturday, April 10, 2010

Smiling Faces and Tears of Closure.


Alhamdulillah! Gratitude for another day to live. I woke up bright and early, feeling very much rested and refreshed. Washed up and went to have some breakfast. Simple feast that filled a hunger acquired during slumber. Toasts, eggs and coffee. And I was ready to face the day and determined to be as adventurous as possible.

I took the initiative to venture out from the cave of my seclusion. As I stepped out of the hotel and onto the streets, walking down the rows of quaint shop houses, I was greeted with many smiling faces. Its amazing at the amount of honesty a smile of a stranger can give you when you open yourself up for everything that is good and optimistic.

However, being rather 'new' to exploring the town on my own, I was very much surprised to find myself looking at a familiar sign. Line Clear Nasi Kandar! Mad's favourite joint from before. He was the one who introduced that place to my family and me. After fulfilling promises to myself to get all my needs purchased, laden with bags full of goodies, I dawdled slowly to Line Clear to have my very late lunch. A plate of Nasi Kandar, with some fish roe, fish curry gravy, salted eggs and rice. Wonderful! Downed the delicious food with a quench of iced tea. Perfect! Heaven on earth!

Tomorrow is another day. I hope I get to see and experience life again. One day at a time. Ameen!
With a full tummy, I walked back to my hotel to unload my shopping bags and perform my asar prayer, I got ready and waited for my friend Yasmin to come fetch me. She was taking me to visit Mad's grave. I was glad I have the Garmin in my mobile phone so I could mark the location for future return visits.

As I stepped into the mosque, I whispered a salaam to the grave dwellers at the cemetery located behind it. This is Mad's new home. After looking around the grave site, I suddenly realized that I can't seem to remember where Mad was buried just 2 years ago. I called Zubair, Mad's younger brother, frantically asking him for some indication as to where Mad was laid to rest.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I whispered out to Mad, "Where are you, Mad?" And then, as if on cue, a soft whisper of a breeze caressed my face and in my head, I heard Mad's voice saying, "I'm no longer here, Ana. I am wherever you are, whenever you remember me. You don't have to come here to look for me anymore." I sat on the soil and bawled my heart out. After saying some prayers for the dead, I began talking to Mad. "Mad, I am not well...." Its a hard habit to break... He has always been the one I would tell everything to. And he always knew just the thing to say to make me feel better. I miss him terribly.

After leaving Mad's home, Yasmin took me to Masjid Makbul. It is believed that this mosque is uniquely special. Whatever you ask for in prayer to Allah, He will grant them almost immediately. So, I sat in the mosque and fervently prayed for the well-being of everyone I love and care for. I know He heard me. I know He can and will answer my sincere prayers.

Over all, today has been a wonderfully fulfilling day, although it was laced with a few crying spells. But one thing I know for sure... For as long as I can cry and feel sadness, I am indeed alive. And that in itself is a blessing from Him. Alhamdulillah!

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