Thursday, October 19, 2006

Winds of Change

Wow! What a ride!! Over the past few months, I have experienced some life changing moments that has rendered me wordless. Whatever that I have known for sure the whole of my life about myself, is all gone. Everything that was right side up is now upside down. Currently, I have a surmountable urge to delete all my past blog entries in my archive, because they are not about me anymore. The person that I was then has ceased to exist.

I believe that God allows things to happen for a reason. I can feel the winds of change blustering all around me and the people in my life, bringing inexplicable occurrances, leaving a trail of confusion in its path. And because I am in the middle of the storm as well, I couldn't be there for those who sought my guidance in their time of need for directions. I have lost my bearings. I have lost me...

However, I am learning new things lately. God is replacing my old knowledge with new ones. I have gained better insight of myself and have learnt that there are no guarantees in life. There are no definites, except for those preordained by God. For those who have yet to be blown away by the winds of change, they simply stand there, watching the rest of us with critical and judgemental eyes. They deem us as weaklings, stupid and shallow minded. That is the way of the human mind. They judge others by their behaviours but they judge themselves by their own intentions. But I truly believe that when the winds of change hit them, it will bring empathic understanding and insight for them. And then they will regret every bad thought they have ever had about others. I know that for sure. Because I have been there.

It is easy for us to be envious of people who we think have it all. They seem to glide through life like as if they are on some golden, buttery road in heaven. Everybody wants what other people have. Only the good things, mind you. They don't want problems and warts. They think they have enough of that on their plates. But since nothing in life is free, and that everything that is worth your while involves a sacrifice of some sort, everyone who is contemplating and reflecting on their lives should consider this statement by Gandhi:

"There are times when you have to obey a call which is the highest of all, i.e., the voice of conscience even though such obedience may cost many a bitter tear, and even more, separation from friends, from family, from the state to which you may belong, from all that you have held as dear as life itself. For this obedience is the law of our being."

The emotional roller-coaster ride for me has yet to grind to a halt. I am still waiting for the next swerve and dips. Although at this point of time, I feel like a complete oaf, screaming my lungs out when I dive into the lowest lows and sigh a big relief when I feel safe again, I am being watched by the eyes of the world. After learning from what I am going through now, I'm not sure whether I can bring myself to watch when it's their turn to ride on the roller-coaster called the winds of change.

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