My Light Bulb Moment.

Someone's status update on Facebook gave me a light bulb moment. This is the quote that was cited,

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

The string of comments that came as a response to that quote was nothing less than astounding!
"How did u know I needed to hear this today?"
"just discussed this issue with my Chairman, he said you must say what you feel..."
"U r not alone. I feel the same too! N yes ppl do get upset n feel offended.... U know what, now I know n realise the meaning of true friendship. Thanks for sharing. I love it!"

The above made me realize that I am not the only one with this issue today! Is it a universal problem? Well, it may not be right up there with global warming, but an issue is still an issue. Isn't it...?

Dr. Seuss also said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” And to think that I almost allowed someone to dictate who I am and what I say. I take full accountability for that. But I refuse to apologize for sharing things about my life and experiences. Yes, in my journey through life, I come across and interact with people. Yes, people. With names and faces. If they were significant at the moment that I am writing, I will mention name. What is wrong with that?

It has come to my understanding that some people made a big deal out of it just because their names were mentioned and their photos were posted here. Again, Dr. Seuss's quote applies. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Here's my light bulb moment: You don't matter to me anymore. No more tears because my intentions were misconstrued. As Dr. Seuss said, “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”

So, goodbye to You. You are my past. You were never a part of my present. Now, I can embrace my current and my future.

To Blog Or Not To Blog: That Is The Question.

Definition of a Blog: a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies.

FOREWORD BY GEORGE SAND

"Yes, my dear kind doctor, writing a journal implies that one has ceased to think of the future and has decided to live wholly in the present. It is an announcement to fate that you expect nothing more. It is an assertion that you take each day as it comes and make no connection between today and other days. Writing a journal means that facing your ocean you are afraid to swim across it, so you attempt to drink it drop by drop. It means that you count the last leaves of a tree whose trunk has lost its sap.

When you are in the mood to write a journal the passions have cooled, or else they have so far frozen that they may be examined as safely as ice-bound mountains are explored in the season when no avalanches fall. No one should allow himself to solidify to this extent unless he is in a state of such upheaval that all the fires of his being are in danger of eruption. Then indeed it may be necessary to harden the outer crust in order to check the explosion and save the inner flame from becoming extinct."

_______________________________________________________

"Telling the truth when we feel vulnerable is one of the hardest things to do. We might fear rejection, abandonment, disapproval, disappointment, rage, hurt, or just the raw exposure that's an unavoidable part of the process. Yet almost every time we're willing to tell a hard truth, we grow and deepen in presence, no matter the response. The energy that we previously locked up to maintain a false front is now freed to uplift and enliven us."

- From How Now: 100 Ways to Celebrate the Present Moment, by Raphael Cushnir.

"We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions".

- Ian Percy



"If you desire to live such that your religion is safe and your portion is full and your honor is sound, guard your tongue and never mention another's faults remembering that you yourself have faults and others have tongues. Watch your eye. Should it ever reveal to you the faults of others, say to it, "Oh my eye, other people have eyes too."

- Final page of Purification of the Heart.

Eternally Transient.

Azuar was right when she commented that my last blog entry is the most cheerful one after a long time. Her comment lead my train of thoughts to somewhere new... Something I had never realized before.

I've always said that emotion is an unstable variable to rely on in making life changing decisions. I always advice my clients never to make any decisions when you are either too happy or too upset. Its true... feelings of joy or sorrow are as transient as the weather and the movement of the sea... Up and down. High and low.

However, if that is so, then how come we are capable of feeling love for someone for so long? After many years had passed since the piercing of cupid's arrow, our heart still stop at the very mention of their name, still bleed with sorrow at the very thought of not having seen them for so long. How come that love is capable of prevailing? How can it endure the test of time? How can something so immature be so durable and lasting? Is it really a love that exist in our hearts? Or does it really only dwell in our heads? Or is it our soul? Or maybe because its equivalent of a story that begins with "Once upon a time..."

First love. Its like looking up at the sun. The warmth and glow is brilliant and overwhelming. But its just not meant to be owned and taken home. Hopefully in time, it will be forgotten.

My Debut Return After 20 years at Alexis Bistro

Let's see.... How shall I begin this entry? How did this all start? Well, it began on 24th April when I was told that my old friend Zailan Razak, was gonna be playing piano for Denise Minifield at Alexis Ampang, alongside John Sani and Lewis Pragasam. My soul sister Azuar, a fellow jazz buff, coaxed me to go for a night's outing. After all, its been a long while since the days of All That Jazz back in late '80s.

It was a fun night, meeting up with old friends and making new ones. Seeing Zailan perform again was an added bonus for I have not seen him in action for the longest time. I befriended a Cuban guitarist named Marco and also the adorable Denise Minifield. She's like a dynamite on stage!! That woman can really mesmerize the audience to do almost anything she bids them to do. Such an enchanting lady!!

Me with Denise and my manager Nur-Ruhizan

Marco, Nur, Azuar and me.

Me with my brother Zailan Razak and the beauties...

Someone had told Denise that once upon a time I was a singer too. And she didn't waste much time after that to cajole me up on stage to join her singing a few songs. I was pleasantly surprised at the audience's reception of the sight of me, all clad in black abayyah and hijab, bopping around and singing Chaka Khan's "Ain't Nobody" like there was no tomorrow! After the performance over for the night, a few of the patrons complimented on my singing and asked if I was gonna be at Alexis on the following week. I was speechless! Marco opened the door for me by inviting me back there to join Steve Thornton & Friends who were gonna be performing the week after!

On the night of my gig with Steve Thornton & Friends, the place was jam packed with friends and fans, all there to support and cheer me on. My adopted brothers with their spouses, my clients, family members were all there, channeling positive energies and confidence in my abilities and experience.

Over all, the gig was a success. In fact, Steve asked me to come sing again on the following night (it was a 2 night stint for them) and that delighted me to bits. I really enjoyed myself and would like to believe that I managed to entertain the audience well enough that they just asked for more.... Well, they were a very polite and civilized crowd...

I know one thing for sure: Although the two nights stint turned out to be tiring for aging old me, I realized how much joy singing brings to my soul. I'm really grateful that night was a debut of my come back to the entertainment world. But I am also truly sincere when I say that I hope that won't be the last of it. May Allah hear my fervent prayers in my heart and grant me this happiness... So that I may survive day to day until the time comes for me to say good-bye.



I'd like to thank Marco Antonio, Steve Thornton, Norman Rahman, Farid Ali (who replaced Marco on the second night) and last but not least, Rachel Guerzo on piano, for all the love, support and quiet understanding they've given me. But most of all, I'd like to thank them for the opportunity to sing my blues away and feed my soul with joy. Thank you to all those who gave their loving support for me just by being there. God bless you all....

Johana Johari Returns!!

In My Dark Place

In my darkness, I have eyes but cannot see,
I have words but I cannot speak,
My ears only hear the barking and sarcasm,
My nerves are raw, my soul is weak.

I look around me in search of light,
But all that can be perceived becomes a source of frustration,
I truly feel the pain of my plight,
With no one to speak, no one who dares to listen.

I feel loneliness and isolation,
So near but far away from friends and relations,
I reach out my hands for salvation,
For my soul is in need of divine intervention.

Any effort to change is already to late,
All the promises made turned out empty and unmet,
I made excuses and I did accommodate,
But I guess you've made up your mind, your choice is made.

Now I am left on my own devices,
To think of a way to save myself from this delusion,
I don't need words of wisdom or advices,
To walk away, is the only solution.

Forgive me for not being perfect,
Forgive me for not being patient.
I've given my all, I have nothing left,
I pray your disappointment will be transient.

May Allah forgive me for my weakness and flaws,
I have tried my best, even though its not enough,
May Allah have mercy on my soul and yours,
What we've done to each other is enough, is enough.

In the dark I shall stay,
Until light shines as bright as day,
To show me the path, show me the way,
So I will not again be led astray.

Bill Cosby's Quotes

"Old is always fifteen years from now."

"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on."

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."

"Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing."

"Gray hair is God's graffiti."

"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't."

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God."

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."

"When you become senile, you won't know it."

"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice."