Monday, March 15, 2010

My Silence Is Not My Absence.

Its been more than a month since my last entry. Too many things had happened in my life until I'm stunned to silence. Less than two weeks after my beloved cousin's untimely death, my great uncle passed away after a very long battle of lung cancer. I'm out of tears. Grieving is a deathly slow process towards recovery.

Apart from the constant migraine which I blamed on too much crying, my stiff neck and shoulders were constantly making their nightly visits. What I termed as my 'nocturnal depression' became more chronic than usual. My internal dialogues were filled with self-doubt and dark thoughts. Nothing seemed to help ease my misery. And then came the diagnosis. I have anxieties. But, don't I have too much on my plate already?

I also found myself avoiding to go out, preferring to stay locked up in my tower, isolating myself from friends and family. My whole body would be besieged by pain. No amount of pain killers nor vitamin supplements seem to work anymore. I knew something was wrong. I needed to see my supervisor again. I need to talk to someone I trust. Off I went to see Dr. Wan Kader.

I sat in his office for a good 3 hours. I was an emotional train wreck! I went home feeling relieved and unburdened. Funny how a kind and caring person with good listening skills can do wonders for your soul. Am I cured? No. I'm well aware that I am work in progress. It takes time to heal. I must allow myself to feel all my emotions when they come.

All through out the time since my last entry, I keep visiting this blog with the hope that I would have something to say. Something worth blogging about. I guess now I have found something to say, finally.

When someone is hurting, they may spit out hurtful words. But the one that remains silent is the one that's hurting the most. So, pay attention to those who are quiet. They are hurting beyond words. You don't need to say anything. Sometimes, a simple hug says it all.

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.... A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." - Rachel Naomi Remen

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