Sunday, February 1, 2009

In a Blink of Eye, I Turned 44! Yikes!!

On last January 29th, I turned 44 years old. I was uncertain as to how I would survive the day without breaking down. So I decided to take it one step at a time.

First: As the clock chimed at midnight, my husband and daughters embraced me with their love, kisses and wishes. I'm still alright. No tears. Text messages and phone calls began streaming in from early morning; all laden with greetings and wishes.

Second: I went to work as usual. Part of me was grateful for the distraction. I was determined to do my best counseling on my 44th year on earth. I had two clients. Thoroughly enjoyed my sessions with my clients.

Third: I told my sweet husband that I wanted to go to Ikea to buy a new pedal bin for our bathroom. I was also secretly planning to purchase a piece of crockery item or two for our kitchen. But it began to rain heavily and it was almost 6 pm in the evening and hubby went on to order some pizza for our girls at home because they were hungry.

Fourth: As we reached to condo's car parking lot, I could almost see the dinosaurs and elephants coming down in teems from the sky! Hubby struggled to open the umbrella we always have in our car. We squealed and laughed as we ran through the rain, with the brolly barely keeping us dry from the rain.

Fifth: A sense of relief came over me as I walked through the door. My girls, as usual, asked how my counseling sessions went earlier. I had just began to share some of my thoughts on it, I heard a booming sound around me. "Surprise!!" I was gobsmacked!! I flailed my arms in shock with my mouth open, letting out a startled shriek. My mom, brothers and their families began streaming out of their hiding places!! And the only thought I had in mind was, "WOW!! This is my first surprise birthday party!! Yippee!!"

Sixth: We ate dinner together and it was lovely. I felt so loved and precious. The presence of my soul sister was an added bonus.

Seventh: After everyone had left, my family and I slowly began to clean up and settle down to the nightly rituals of going online, facebooking, blogging and chatting.

Eighth: With my girls already in bed, I sat quietly next to my husband and began to share my journey throughout my 44th birth day. I didn't shed a drop of tear today. I still miss Mad but I am no longer mourning his passing. I have managed to overcome my grief and guilt. Hubby expressed his relief that I am okay and that I am no longer grieving.

I am still reading "Overcoming Grief" almost every night and reaping many benefits from it. I feel truly blessed to have found that book. I am moving on. The sadness has been replaced only with sweet memories of my friendship with my soul brother, Mad. I survived the day without expecting a call from him. I'm okay now. But I will still take things one day at a time.

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