A Letter To 15 Year Old Me.

Dear Ana,

I would like to share some wisdom with you, things that I have learnt in the past 30 years. I wish I can go back in time and done certain things differently. There are some regrets and mistakes, without which I would not have learnt what I am about to share with you.

Forgive those who made and broke promises with you. Their ill-chosen behavior is in no way reflective of your true value and worth. Idealistic as you may be with regards to those you love, they are nothing but flawed human beings. To expect more of them would only invite disappointment and pain. I am not asking you to refrain from trusting anyone. I merely ask that you see them as who they are and not how you want them to be.

Puan Aminah, your Primary 4 teacher was wrong to call you 'Stupid.' You are intelligent and bright minded. You will go far in life and education. She mistook your playfulness and forgetfulness as stupidity. Apparently, she had a limited English vocabulary. Yes, she may have been your teacher. But teachers do not know everything. No one does. Even experts are only knowledgable in their own field of expertise.

Sit up straight and avoid slouching. Its not only bad for your posture but also your overall appearance. Be brave to speak your mind and embrace stepping out of your comfort zone. Mistakes are the best way to learn well.

Many of your friends will come and go, but some will be around for a major part of your future. Stay good at keeping secrets others have shared with you in strict confidence. As interesting as your internal dialogues are in your head, once in a while do step out of it and listen to others with curiosity and unconditional acceptance. All this will prove to be positive habits that will assist you in your future career.

Be more worldly and less naive. Not everyone will love you the way you love them. Each has different definitions for common words. Many say something but mean something else. Guard yourself from feeling upset or let down by this. Make integrity and self-honesty as non-negotiable values of your life.

Learn to be more flexible of others. Just because you think you know the best way for doing something does not make it right and suitable for others. Its alright to have differences. Embrace the diversity of wisdom and points of view. Two heads are better than one. The more the merrier. However, do your level best not to be easily influenced by the opinion of others. Be courageous in forming your own. There are people who will be interested to know how you think. Because your opinion matters.

Leave past traumas behind. Your past does not define who you are, no matter how much subconscious influence they may have on your current behavior. You can choose better when your head and heart are clearer. Take your time to sort them out. Its easy to confuse your emotions with your thoughts.

You will lose people you love through life and death. There will be times when you will have to force yourself to walk away from something that makes you happy and feel beautiful. This will not be easy to do. But sometimes when life makes us do something out of lack of choice, we must learn to understand that is life's way of telling us to move on along. At the end of a rain storm you'll find a rainbow arching above you as the sun shines through the drops of water. Blink your tears away so you will see more clearly. Let go of whatever that burdens your heart. You need to travel light. There is no sense in lugging unnecessary baggage.

Not everyone will love and care for you. Not everyone who cares for you will love you. Not everyone who loves you will care for you. Beware of confusing the two. Caring does not mean love. Sometimes, caring comes alone. Guard your heart against these childish expectations. Your heart will be spared of pain.

You will meet the love of your life. He will possess all the criteria you need in a man, husband and father to your children. He will struggle to help you gain confidence and assurance. He will assist you in fulfilling your truest potential. He is a rare find. He is waiting to find you. And he will. You'll be utterly happy with this man in your life. But you will have to learn to love selflessly too, after all he will do for you.

You will have two beautiful daughters who will make your heart swell with pride. Love them like you've never been loved before. Give them whatever you never got while you were a child. They will be your best investment and asset throughout your life. Look forward to being a good mother to them. You will be their everything until they grow up. Then, you will also have to let them go.

In short, what I am trying to say is this: Live. Love. Let go. These words are easy to remember but hard to do without experiencing some level of pain. Hard. Yes. But not impossible. Just do your best. Your utmost best. Leave no room for regrets. Life may be challenging but its never dull. And in its excitement, you will find your true strengths and flair. You are unique and avant garde. You are as colourful as a peacock. There's no way you can pretend to be simple turkey. Embrace your originality. Make no apology for who you are. People who matter to you will be proud of you. As for others, their opinions are as insignificant as they are.

Remember: Live. Love. Let go. You will be magnificently fine. Trust me. I am.

Lots of love,

45 year old Ana.