"I Want To Go Home To My Father."

Today was very challenging to Mom. She was restless and anxious. She kept saying "I need to go home soon." as she caressed the side of my face with tears in her eyes. Regardless of how many times I explained to her that she is home, that she's living in her own house, she insisted that she needs to go home. "I am old now", she said, as she wiped the tears off her eyes.

Ater a few minutes of me in the bathroom, I came out to find that she had changed her clothes from the home-wear kaftan I had put on her after morning shower into a pair of baju kurung; as though she was ready to go out. She was pacing the compound of our home restlessly. This spurred me to do a little research by googling "what to do when alzheimer's patient looks for deceased parent"

I came across an article titled "3 Tips When Someone With Dementia Wants Her Mom or Dad." It went on to explain the following:
"Think of the young child who wanders off in the store. All of the sudden, she looks around and begins to cry because she's lost and doesn't know where her mom is. While we don't want to treat a respected older adult like a child, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that this lost feeling is similar to what they're experiencing."

I met her at the main door and persuaded her to come in. She said, "I want to go home to my father's house." My heart broke into a million pieces. I coaxed her into sitting on the sofa with me. As I held her hands in mine, I looked deeply into her eyes and said," Mom, grandpa passed away 8 years ago." Her eyes reflected the abyss of unspeakable loss.

Ever since mom lived with us, I have been applying all the knowledge I have in psychology and putting into practice the caregiving skills I had acquired over the years. I have seen how Behavioural Therapy such as classic conditioning and positive reinforcements have shown a reasonable amount of improvement in mom's behaviour. Currently, I am also using Reality Orientation in Alzheimer's and Dementia. It's an approach where the environment, including dates, locations, and current surroundings, is frequently pointed out and woven into the conversations with the person. Reality orientation, when used appropriately and with compassion, can also benefit those living with Alzheimer's or Dementia.

The tools for reality orientation aim to reinforce the naming of objects and people as well as a timeline of events, past or present. This typically involves:

• Talking about orientation, including the day, time of day, date, and season
• Using people's name frequently
• Discussing current events
• Referring to clocks and calendars
• Placing signs and labels on doors, cupboards, and other objects
• Asking questions about photos or other memorabilia

I am pragmatic enough not to have much expectations regarding the impact of the above on my mom considering that she is already at a late stage of Alzheimer's. Yet, I refuse to simply just give up on her as how she never gave up on me when she was teaching me the basic skills in life.

I made a few phone calls to mom's cousins and got them to speak to her on the phone. Perhaps she is looking for familiar faces. Perhaps she is looking for past connections. After all, I truly believe that connections are like bread crumbs that leads us back home when we are lost.

It's okay, mom. No matter how lost you may be feeling right now, I got you. And I will always be your one and only daughter. May Allah bless mom with syifa, always. 

The Angels Walking Amongst Us

While I was browsing in Borders bookstore earlier today, I suddenly heard a man's voice saying, "Hello, lady in brown" (for the record, I was wearing animal prints in silver and brown jubah with black hijab). As I turned around whilst saying hello, I was met by an elderly man who introduced himself as Mr Siva. He said I looked familiar and asked if I was a lecturer from University Malaya. I told him that I'm a new lecturer at HELP university. He went on to explain that he was an Economics lecturer at UM. I asked him why he didn't introduce himself as Dr. Siva. He said, "We, American Phd graduates, never introduce ourselves as Doctors. We just use our names. Who cares about titles when substance and intellect will speak louder than the title of our qualifications." I felt so honored to have met this humble and fatherly warm person. I introduced him to my husband and we went on to have a very delightful conversation. 

He said his childhood in Kuala Pilah taught him two things which he holds as part of his belief system: "Jangan tarok pasir dalam periuk nasi orang" (Don't put sand in other people's rice bowl) and "Jangan pijak orang yang dah jatuh" (Don't step on those who have fallen). He went on to say how tightly he holds on to God and the bible. Lastly he said, "Beware of those who ask for your help and then backstabs you after you've helped them." I can't help but believe he was sent my way to remind me to let Allah handle things beyond my control. Alhamdulillah for the angels who walk amongst us. 💜

After reaching home, I found my thoughts still pondering on that man. So I decided to google him. What I found was simply astounding because not only is he everything he said he is, there wasn't a single iota of exaggeration found in his words. He is what he said he is; and more. 

This is the angel I met today.