Happy 43rd Birthday, Mad.

Dearest Mad,

I won't ask how you are because I already know that you are better than where I am now. I have no more questions for you. I only have wishes and hopes. I wish for Allah to keep you safely in His Most Loving arms and that you are at peace. I hope you know how much I still miss you. I hope you know how hard I have been trying to go on living without you. I hope you don't know that whenever I miss you, I will tell myself that you're too busy repairing someone's car. And that you will call me once you're done under the car.

I can still hear your voice. I can still see your face. Your laughter still peals in my ears. My heart still feels your loving and sincere friendship. All these things about you still makes me smile... and tears to roll down my cheeks.

I still remember the last time we celebrated your birthday together. Your mother had just passed away a few weeks before your birthday and you were not feeling up to welcoming your birthday. It was mid 2006. Jasmene and I had driven up to Penang to spend a few days with you because Jee, your beautiful wife, was healing from chicken pox in her parent's home in Kelantan. We had dinner eating "celor-celor" for 2 nights in a row just because I loved it so much. I remember how you would patiently peel the shell of the prawns we were eating while telling us how you enjoyed doing that for Jee.

Your last holiday with your whole family was in Cherating, end of 2007. Your sister, Fairuz, showed us the videos and photos that were taken during that trip. It was very obvious that you made everyone felt happy and loved. You always had the talent to make people laugh.... or at least bring a smile to even the saddest heart.

Just so you know, Mad, Jasmene, the girls and I had just returned from a trip to Cherating. we stopped at the R & R you and your family stopped at, looking for that old lady you convinced that your whole family was selling camel oil. And we took the same route you took 7 months earlier. And throughout the journey, every car that had a Penang number plate would remind me of you.

This is all that I can do to celebrate your birthday this year, Mad. Here's your birthday present from Jasmene, JC, Lissa and me. And yes... I still love and miss you.

Al-Fatihah for Mohammad Abdul Rahman Zubaidi
2nd June 1965



**Please play this video till the end. Thank you.