I am well aware I am to work on my own weakness during Ramadhan. I understand that this is something that is expected of every muslim. But when they assert their inner aggression and project their frustrations on me, I can still rationalize and maintain patience by reminding myself that kifarah is never comfortable and is meant to cleanse my soul of sins accummulated thus far.
Far from using this as an excuse or a crutch, my struggles with depression is very much real. And with having challenges to refill my prescriptions to manage my condition, it is pushing me extremely close to my limit that I can honestly admit how the only thing I can come up with to be grateful for in a day is having Allah in my life. If it isn't for Him, I can actually run the blade in the correct direction on my wrist that would render me beyond anyone's help.
The ugliness of this world is just too much. Blood ties means nothing to people. Humility means nothing to people. Sincerity means nothing to people. If it doesn't bring millions of money or high social status, it has no value. Empathy is a rare thing to find in people nowadays. All that people care for are their own selfish "what's in it for me?" attitude. Its so glaringly clear how this world is a prison.
Day by day, people push me further and further to the edge of the cliff. It makes me wonder why I even bothered to save people's lives when they don't care for their own precious lives. I am beyond being angry and hurt. I am indifferent.
Do whatever you want. Its your life. Knock yourself out and fuck it up. I don't want any part of shit like that.
